Dating Relationships - Dos and Don'ts of the First Date

The first date is truly something magical. It cannot be repeated again and the nervousness and excitement associated with the first date is probably something that you can never experience again. It is the beginning of many mature dating relationships. There is always a certain level of apprehension that you will have during your first dates. This is normal, and don’t let it to make you think otherwise.

There are a lot of things that you need to keep in mind during your first dates when trying to establish a dating relationship. It may seem comprehensive, but most of the items on this list are pretty much straightforward and something that should come naturally. Always remember to be yourself on your first date. This is crucial and will ultimately determine whether the two of you are going to have fun while being in this relationship.

It is crucial that you don’t come off too strong and make yourself look like someone else altogether. You should know where to draw the line and try being yourself but not reveal everything there is to know on the very first date. You can share small anecdotes and have fun on the date. The story about your crazy uncle dropping his pants at your brother’s wedding is probably something you can hold on to till the second date at least.
Don’t do all the talking; even let the other person talk about themselves. A good date is always a dream if you don’t know how to be a good listener. Being a good listener is about actively participating in something that the other person is passionate about, not just talking things that interest you. This will pay off later in the relationship because too many dating relationships end due to poor communication.

Remember that it is only date; you are supposed to relax and have fun. Don’t be all worked up about wanting to be the perfect date. No one is perfect so you are allowed to make mistakes. Just don’t get too lax and take the whole thing too casually. Some people take a lot of effort to be interesting and gorgeous for the first date. You don’t have to do that and can just learn to be yourself instead. The most successful relationships are built by people who are vulnerable, genuine and not out to impress the other person.

Don’t come out too needy at the end of the date. You can say that you had a good time and look forward for another date. It is wrong to jump to hasty conclusions and you should always give a second try if your first date was reasonably interesting. You may never know what you are missing on if you don’t give it a try. Dating relationships are developed by taking risks so don’t be afraid to go out on a limb.

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Do Men Really Know How to Spot the Ideal Woman?

She’s a Bad Mamma Jamma” and “Brick House” were well-known flirty sayings that evoked the perfect picture of the physique of the ideal woman – coined in the hit tunes’ lyrics. Black men have gleaned from these songs what a woman should look like and have gone on to coin their own phrases like “Do fries go with that shake?” and “junk in the trunk.”

Is this all there is to the ideal woman? Hardly. What if we mixed Florida Evans’ Bible-inspired strength from “Good Times” with Claire Huxtable’s wit and unwavering virtue from “The Cosby Show” and placed them inside Beyonce’s body, would that be her? Would that be the ideal woman?

When asked about this combination of brains, beauty, and strength, business owner Harold Mitchell stated, “This is very realistic; nowadays, there are a lot of women out there like that. Men should pursue the total package because it’s out there. This is the ideal woman of today because you need a woman who will have your back through thick and thin the way you have hers. You gotta have two incomes, a woman who’s smart, because times have changed.” By this man’s account, the ideal woman has to have a great deal of independence.

In the last decade or so we’ve witnessed the new and improved “independent woman” emerge from the ashes of her more matronly persona of earlier times. “She got ‘er own house, she got ‘er own car” has now taken the place of the old “brick house” description. Recently, this mantra has cropped up in countless hip-hop songs as men have begun promoting the importance of what a woman has going for her. But Black women contend that some Black men can’t handle this woman they claim to desire. “Many Black men aren’t secure enough to have an independent woman because they haven’t mastered their own egos - even though they think that’s what they want. The few men who can handle it are more in touch with themselves emotionally. They can allow a woman to have her glory and be proud of her,” said educator Pamela Thomas-Whitlow.

Lure tactics displayed by women and men have taken the meaning of “ideal” and twisted it into a riddle of sorts. It seems that men use every materialistic force they can muster, like their cars, homes, incomes and plush lifestyles (even when they really don’t have them) to win a woman’s favor, and if she ever asks for him to pay for anything, she gets slapped with a “gold digger” conviction. Women labeled “high maintenance” usually treat themselves well while some men who pursue them are thrown off by their independence and hefty expectations – because she doesn’t need a man’s money. And how do trophy-type women expect to be the ideal choice if they don’t bother to contribute to their relationships financially (because they look good)? You know, the ones looking for a free ride – the real “gold digger.”

But there is hope in what many believe to be the Great Equalizer – Michelle Obama. Her body is toned, her figure is curvy, she has her own mind and goals, and she’s a partnering wife and a nurturing mother. She’s tall, intelligent, educated, and beautiful, and she’s Black – Barack’s idea of the ideal woman. If only a temporary revelation born out of the mystery behind what is ideal in a woman, the Obamas offer some semblance of salvation.

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Compatible Match - Dealing With Unrequited Love

You’ve loved this person forever and you have always thought deep in your heart that he or she was the compatible match for you. You had no doubt that you would someday end up together in a long-term commitment because you had the chance to find a love together. However, those dream never turned into a reality and you are the victim of unrequited love. This person of your dreams does not reciprocate your heartfelt feelings.

How do you learn to deal with unrequited love? Most likely you’ve known this person for a long time and have been friends and gotten to form a bond. You know what type of personality this person has and you’ve seen his or her character traits and no matter what failings this person has, you have grown to love him or her unconditionally. This is not some run of the mill type of love. This is a truly deep forever kind of love that you have for this special person. The only problem is that this person does not have the same feelings of love for you.

Let’s go with the scenario that you have already confessed your love to this person and was rejected with the words that this person just wants to be friends with you. It’s hard, but you care about this person so much that you are trying to remain just friends and you still spend time together. Having to spend time together in a platonic relationship is going to be a difficult task for you; it may not be such a healthy option for you either. Since you are still spending time with this person, even though just as friends, you will continue to have feelings of loving affection for this person. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is not good if you know that you definitely do not have a serious romantic future with this person. Why would you torture yourself with spending time with this person when you can never have more than a platonic relationship with him or her.

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