If you are reading this article, you and your spouse have probably had a rough time of it. Maybe you have been married for years and cannot remember why you are together; maybe you have only been married for a couple years and are having commitment issues or other problems. The great thing is, there is another option other than divorce for you and your spouse and it is far less expensive, you can save your marriage.
However, there are certain things you must do if you are serious about relighting the fire and it requires the commitment of both of you.
Steps to Making a New Commitment
The first thing that usually happens in a marriage gone south is a breakdown in communication. You have stopped talking, you stop asking each other about your day. Whether this is because you are both too busy or have too many outside things going on, such as children's activities, make an effort to set aside an hour each day where the two of you just talk. You'll be amazed at the results.
Another tip to making your marriage work is to stop worrying about the kids. We all understand that having a child can change the dynamic of a relationship. However, you must remember how the two of you came together initially and separate yourself from the role of being a parent. You both were a couple first.
The third step is start taking care of yourselves again. Whether this applies to physical appearances or eating better, do it, there will be a big change in how you feel about one another. Bring the romance back.
You know what it felt like when you first starting dating, the romantic gestures, you held open doors for her and she had special pet names for you. Bring all of that back! We know that busy schedules can lead to a breakdown in romantic gestures, but make a special effort to do something romantic everyday. You'll stir feelings that have been lost over time.
Next, define what is his, hers and ours. Too many times marriages breakdown because one partner feels stifled or feels as if there is a loss of identity. Encourage your partner to take up a hobby that interests them or take a weekend with the girls. Time away to encourage separate interests makes them that much more eager to get home to you.
The sixth step is to always remember to be polite and give feedback to your partner in a courteous way. Being harsh with criticism will make them avoid opening up to you. Instead, try giving constructive criticism and remember to consider their feelings.
Commit to a date night each week. You don't need to spend a lot of money to spend quality time with your spouse. Arrange a picnic or go for a walk, try to do something different to add some adventure and spontaneity to your relationship.
The two next steps are very important. First, commit to doing a yearly evaluation of your marriage. Performance evaluations happen in every other part of our lives, so why not one of the most important pieces, your marriage? Take time, sit down with each other and give open and honest information to your partner, what do you need? What are you happy with? What are you unhappy with? Putting all issues on the table and being honest prevents from holding back issues or keeping feelings bottled up.
Finally, always understand that marriage is a changing thing. Always feel that the contract is up for negotiation. If you are feeling neglected or if you are having bad feelings tell your partner about it. Communication is always the key to a long, happy life together.
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