Single men come in three basic forms: there are ones who watch things happens, then there are others who make things happen, and then there are those that wondered what happened. You're probably familiar with that old saying, but I'm here to advise you that it's 100% true. Meeting women, dating them, and ultimately getting into a long-term relationship is within your control. Every single man has the power to do this. If men can understand the following ten reasons why men fail at finding healthy relationships and then take consistent action on correcting or changing them, then they increase their chances at success by at least ten fold.
1. Failing To Approach Women: This is a hard pill to swallow for most men. How hard is it to walk up to a woman, just about anywhere, and simply say "Hi" or "Hi, my name is....", or even "Hey, what's up? I can't believe those two girls were fighting outside...did you see it?" If you don't approach women on a regular basis then you are not going to get better at it. Men tend to place way too much emotional investment in any single interaction. The reality is, if you approach a woman and she does not respond the way you want her to, it's no big deal because there are thousands of other women you can approach within ten city blocks if you live in a large city.
The fact is that in order to find a good woman and have a healthy relationship you cannot get stuck on the first woman you meet, your first girlfriend, and generally, your first long-term relationship. Why? Because in order to really know what you want in a healthy relationship you have to have life experience and you only get that by dating a variety of women. Though I've personally been out on hundreds of dates, I've only had a handful of long-term relationships. And if I could do it all over again I would do it the same way. Why? Because each relationship taught me a lot about myself and about relationships. They taught me things that none of the books that I've read about relationships could have ever taught me because there are many subtle components to relationships and dating that you simply cannot learn by reading. Take driving a car as an example. You might be able to read books or even watch videos on how to make a car drift when you're making a fast turn. But the only way you're really going to learn how to do it is by getting inside the car and doing it over and over again. This is a huge point that many of today's relationship books tend to miss.
2. Failing To Look Inward: The majority of single men that I've talked to had a strong tendency to blame women for their problems. "Women are just out for your money and don't care about making me feel like a man," exclaimed Jeremy, a 29 year old divorced Intern of Medicine who had really struggled getting back into the dating scene. What Jeremy didn't realize was that his outlook that women were the problem, and not him, was a huge obstacle in getting into the right mindset of meeting women.
3. Learning The Skill Of Active Listening: Most single men and women have horrible listening skills. Have you ever been in a conversation with someone for hours and you never wanted it to end? You'll notice that one of the main components of that conversation was that both you and the other conversation partner were active listeners. You would pause to let the person talk and they would do the same for you. It makes conversation so much better.
4. Putting Women On A Pedestal: Too often I see men say things such as "she is out of my league" or "she's too pretty for me" or "she would never go out with me"; and, if they don't say these things, they certainly think them. This is a clear example of a misguided belief system. No woman is better than you simply because of her looks or status in life. This is a myth that has been perpetuated by society for thousands of years. We're in the 21st century now. If you put too much importance on a woman because of her beauty, then you're robbing yourself of any personal power. You are also lowering your own social value in her eyes, which is not a good way to start.
5. Not Knowing When To Call It Quits: I had dated this beautiful young woman named Laura in college. We both graduated and continued to date for 5 more years. During my courtship I had caught her cheating on me during the first year of dating her. She was sorry and I forgave her. Looking back now I should have never taken her back because cheaters very seldom change their ways (you have better chances at winning the lottery). But I stayed with her because I thought I loved her and thought she was being sincere. Finally, when I caught her cheating on me for the third time, I called it quits. During the time I was with her I had countless opportunities to date other women, but turned them down because I did not want to be unfaithful.
Recently, I had a date with a former dancer who had one of the best bodies I had ever seen. During our date she insisted on talking only about herself and not allowing me to get a word in edge wise. Since I no longer tolerate this kind of behavior I knew when to call it quits. So I got up, excused myself to the bathroom, found the waiter, asked for the check, paid for the check, and then came back to the table and told my date it was time for me to leave (I usually meet my dates instead of picking them up for this very reason). I see men lose valuable years of their life dating the wrong women because they don't know when or how to call it quits. Really, all you need to do is grow a pair, take action, and realize there are plenty of single women out there.
6. Jealousy: I think "jealousy" is the 2nd most useless human emotion (hate is the first) simply because it accomplishes nothing. Jealousy is an unhealthy form of insecurity that plagues many relationships today. If you can master not verbalizing or showing jealousy you will eventually conquer it. Learn to give women their space. You have to allow the other person enough space for them to grow. This holds true in both dating and relationships. You will never catch me asking someone I'm dating (or my girlfriend) where they've been, where they're going, or who they've been hanging out with. It's a waste of energy and all you are demonstrating is that you do not trust her, which actually increases her chances on cheating on you. So I no longer worry about what the other person is doing. If they cheat on me or plan on it, the truth will come out (there are dozens of clues on how to catch someone cheating, just look for any changes in behavior). Rid yourself of jealousy by staying focused on your own long-term goals and realizing that the woman you are currently with is not the last woman on earth.
7. Failure To Execute: Steven was a 22 year old college graduate who I met at a private house party this year. He had read nearly every single book on how to pick up women. He had been to seminars and had studied the likes of Mystery, Style, the Real Social Dynamics Crew, and of course, yours truly. But he had failed to find a healthy relationship. And the reason was simple: despite all his knowledge about pick up, dating, and relationships he had never sat down and mapped out a plan. Even worse, he was very inconsistent with his execution. He failed to take consistent and massive action which is the only thing that is really going to allow you to get enough dates and life experience to find that healthy relationship.
If you want to learn more about healthy relationships and how to get them, learn from someone who has been there. Once suffering from shyness and panic attacks, Rod Cortez turned his shyness and fear into power and has successfully dated dozens of women from more than 22 different countries. He is an international dating coach who has helped thousands of men from around the world by teaching them how to be their natural, better selves. His free newsletter has hundreds of tips about dating, sex, and relationship. You can learn how he did it by visiting thedatepro.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Rod_Cortez
Rod Cortez - EzineArticles Expert Author
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Domestic Violence - Its Causes, Effects and Prevention
Domestic violence is hardly reported to the authorities. One of the chief reasons for this is that, just like verbal abuse, Domestic violence is often looked at as 'doing the needful'.
And to make matters worse, it often doesn't qualify as abuse in several states and countries, hence giving the authorities no say in the matter. Especially in the Middle East, Asia and Africa where there are no recorded statistics or numbers of victims of child abuse because of the large numbers and cultural impact.
It is estimated that over 50% of the children undergo domestic violence. At this point, one may want to argue that 'but 50% of the children don't turn out to be failures'
We have to consider the fact that not everyone who is not satisfied with their lives, comes up and talks about it, the examples we know are just a reflection of the entire numbers given the intensity of their actions.
I suggest you take a thorough look on the amount of people suffering from stress and other mental ailments. Even so, I agree the entire blame cannot just be directed to domestic but also to society/cultural and other aspects.
Domestic violence: The act of physically hurting a human being within the confines of the family.
This is applicable not only to children but also to women at a very large scale as it is not something out of the common for hitting a woman in many parts of the world.
What are the effects of Domestic Violence?
For starters, it creates the impression or the understanding in the child's mind that 'violence is okay' and causes the child to also engage in violence as a resort to personal problems.
This of course encourages not only bullying but potential risk factor of injury to acquaintances leading to further damages.
For Women, it is simply a breach of Human rights, nothing short of it. One factor which has to be understood is that children who see their mother being violently treated are likely to have terrible impacts in their attitude.
This further encourages sexual discrimination which would become another difficult issue to deal with in certain societies and cultures.
The worst short term effect of domestic violence is that children would avoid consulting their parents out of fear of violence and may take decisions based on their own judgment in matters they have little experience or knowledge of.
Secondly, this also creates a submissive environment for the children towards adults regardless of who the adult is. Although this does not sound serious, this is very much the gateway of sexual abuse for children.
Now the question is: How can domestic violence be prevented?
To tell the truth, several factors would have to be taken into consideration
Primarily that of education:
1.) Schools have to make a sincere effort in condemning all forms of violence both inside and outside of the child's home.
This allows the children to understand that abuse is wrong and needs to be reported, this is the first step, the acknowledgment of injustice.
2.) The Government should advertise and make freely available centers of child protection to the masses
We have to understand that children rarely know who to contact in such scenarios.
Given that, we have to make a sincere effort to organize volunteer or official groups with government authority which aim at protecting the children's basic rights while also being easily accessible.
3.) The Media should consider raising awareness as well as the intensity of the issue
The media is responsible for bringing news and awareness as well as emotions to the minds of its viewers, I believe if the Media makes a sincere effort in bringing fame to particular cases of child abuse which have resulted in death or severe injury by physical abuse, it would force the authorities to take action
4.) You should make a sincere effort to help out any child you know who is undergoing domestic violence
At the end of the day, no media and no advertisement can be as helpful to a child as a supportive adult who understands and explains his situation. It is very beneficial to a child to have another adult disown violence and violent attitudes while promoting more freedom in the child's life, such instances make up for a huge difference in the personality development of the victim.
You may also give him books or guides which would help him decide his actions as well as guide him in dealing with physical abuse.
I hope the information I provided was adequate enough to answer the questions you had in your mind regarding domestic abuse
Vinesh Panditpotra is the author of the ebook 'Tame Your Parents' which aims at teaching teenagers to counter child abuse.
You may take the initiative to help out a child by buying my ebook and giving it to him as a guide to deal with domestic abuse.
His website is: http://www.tameyourparents.com
There are free samples from the ebook available for download
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com
And to make matters worse, it often doesn't qualify as abuse in several states and countries, hence giving the authorities no say in the matter. Especially in the Middle East, Asia and Africa where there are no recorded statistics or numbers of victims of child abuse because of the large numbers and cultural impact.
It is estimated that over 50% of the children undergo domestic violence. At this point, one may want to argue that 'but 50% of the children don't turn out to be failures'
We have to consider the fact that not everyone who is not satisfied with their lives, comes up and talks about it, the examples we know are just a reflection of the entire numbers given the intensity of their actions.
I suggest you take a thorough look on the amount of people suffering from stress and other mental ailments. Even so, I agree the entire blame cannot just be directed to domestic but also to society/cultural and other aspects.
Domestic violence: The act of physically hurting a human being within the confines of the family.
This is applicable not only to children but also to women at a very large scale as it is not something out of the common for hitting a woman in many parts of the world.
What are the effects of Domestic Violence?
For starters, it creates the impression or the understanding in the child's mind that 'violence is okay' and causes the child to also engage in violence as a resort to personal problems.
This of course encourages not only bullying but potential risk factor of injury to acquaintances leading to further damages.
For Women, it is simply a breach of Human rights, nothing short of it. One factor which has to be understood is that children who see their mother being violently treated are likely to have terrible impacts in their attitude.
This further encourages sexual discrimination which would become another difficult issue to deal with in certain societies and cultures.
The worst short term effect of domestic violence is that children would avoid consulting their parents out of fear of violence and may take decisions based on their own judgment in matters they have little experience or knowledge of.
Secondly, this also creates a submissive environment for the children towards adults regardless of who the adult is. Although this does not sound serious, this is very much the gateway of sexual abuse for children.
Now the question is: How can domestic violence be prevented?
To tell the truth, several factors would have to be taken into consideration
Primarily that of education:
1.) Schools have to make a sincere effort in condemning all forms of violence both inside and outside of the child's home.
This allows the children to understand that abuse is wrong and needs to be reported, this is the first step, the acknowledgment of injustice.
2.) The Government should advertise and make freely available centers of child protection to the masses
We have to understand that children rarely know who to contact in such scenarios.
Given that, we have to make a sincere effort to organize volunteer or official groups with government authority which aim at protecting the children's basic rights while also being easily accessible.
3.) The Media should consider raising awareness as well as the intensity of the issue
The media is responsible for bringing news and awareness as well as emotions to the minds of its viewers, I believe if the Media makes a sincere effort in bringing fame to particular cases of child abuse which have resulted in death or severe injury by physical abuse, it would force the authorities to take action
4.) You should make a sincere effort to help out any child you know who is undergoing domestic violence
At the end of the day, no media and no advertisement can be as helpful to a child as a supportive adult who understands and explains his situation. It is very beneficial to a child to have another adult disown violence and violent attitudes while promoting more freedom in the child's life, such instances make up for a huge difference in the personality development of the victim.
You may also give him books or guides which would help him decide his actions as well as guide him in dealing with physical abuse.
I hope the information I provided was adequate enough to answer the questions you had in your mind regarding domestic abuse
Vinesh Panditpotra is the author of the ebook 'Tame Your Parents' which aims at teaching teenagers to counter child abuse.
You may take the initiative to help out a child by buying my ebook and giving it to him as a guide to deal with domestic abuse.
His website is: http://www.tameyourparents.com
There are free samples from the ebook available for download
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com
Women in Abusive Relationships - The Issue in Plague Proportions That Hardly Ever Gets Mentioned
Women in abusive relationships is a scourge that is a plague throughout the world.
Before I proceed I need to comment on the widely held belief that abounds today that abuse in relationships is as likely to be perpetrated by women as it is by men.
My comment is - poppycock. In other words, this is nonsense. The figures we constantly hear are that 1 in 3 women all around the world are in abusive relationships, and that does not include the broader definition of all the non physical aspects of abuse.
It diverts our attention away from dealing with the issues associated with women being abused in relationships. So little has been achieved to this point in time and this red herring gets thrown into the ring to distract us.
In my view it is an indication of part of the problem. It attempts to contradict the vastness of the issue of women in abusive relationships, and demonstrates how those who put forward this belief, are blind to the consequences.
This is not to deny that some women are abusive in relationships, but it is not comparable.
In all my years as a counsellor, I saw women constantly who were living in absolute fear of the men they were living with. I have never seen one man who has claimed he is living in fear of the woman he was living with.
It never ceases to amaze me how the issue of women in abusive relationships gets such little attention.
We keep hearing that 1 in 3 women experience physical abuse in their relationships, not to mention all the other abuse that is experienced as well.
We hear that 3 women a day are killed by a male partner in the US. In Australia it is 1 every 5 days.
Being a woman in an abusive relationship, is still the biggest threat of injury to women - more than heart attacks, cancer, strokes, car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
Statistics tell us the most dangerous place for a woman to be is in her own home - not some dark alley, or seedy neighborhood, or a parking lot.
Yet the warning that is regularly put forward is to be wary in such places - and also of strangers.
In addition, today, we are bombarded by the belief that we are at the mercy of terrorists and we need to be alert to the possibility of being targeted. Billions of dollars is being spent on our protection.
The outcomes of women being in abusive relationships highlights the contrast, and the evidence against, the panic associated with so-called terrorism.
Terrorism in the home throughout the world, is gigantic in comparison, yet barely gets a mention, and peanuts is spent on dealing with it in any meaningful way.
Any money that is spent on the issues associated with women in abusive relationships, tends to be on what I would call band aiding issues.
That is to say, it is usually spent on paying for women to live in safe houses and the expenses associated with getting them to that point.
Whilst this is necessary and a good thing, it plays no part in creating any real changes that are necessary to make a difference.
Some governments have policies claiming to aim at eliminating and preventing abuse in relationships, yet have nothing more in place than indicated above.
A major campaign is required as a start for overcoming the problem of women in abusive relationships.
The community generally needs to be made aware of the widespread nature of the problem.This needs to be done by making contact with a broad cross section of media outlets and getting them to do interviews with those who have the information available.
Articles about the problem of women in abusive relationships need to be submitted to these outlets as well. In addition talks must be organized with a whole range of people such as corporate groups, schools, government departments etc., etc.
The issue of women being in abusive relationships is increasingly being recognized as a serious violation of basic human rights.
Today, international organizations, such as the World Health Organization, regard the prevention of abuse in relationships as a high priority and there is a need for urgent action.
A World Health Organization report demonstrates that women being in abusive relationships is widespread and deeply ingrained, and has serious impacts on women's health and well-being.
According to Amnesty International, violence against women in relationships is the greatest human rights scandal of our times.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com
Before I proceed I need to comment on the widely held belief that abounds today that abuse in relationships is as likely to be perpetrated by women as it is by men.
My comment is - poppycock. In other words, this is nonsense. The figures we constantly hear are that 1 in 3 women all around the world are in abusive relationships, and that does not include the broader definition of all the non physical aspects of abuse.
It diverts our attention away from dealing with the issues associated with women being abused in relationships. So little has been achieved to this point in time and this red herring gets thrown into the ring to distract us.
In my view it is an indication of part of the problem. It attempts to contradict the vastness of the issue of women in abusive relationships, and demonstrates how those who put forward this belief, are blind to the consequences.
This is not to deny that some women are abusive in relationships, but it is not comparable.
In all my years as a counsellor, I saw women constantly who were living in absolute fear of the men they were living with. I have never seen one man who has claimed he is living in fear of the woman he was living with.
It never ceases to amaze me how the issue of women in abusive relationships gets such little attention.
We keep hearing that 1 in 3 women experience physical abuse in their relationships, not to mention all the other abuse that is experienced as well.
We hear that 3 women a day are killed by a male partner in the US. In Australia it is 1 every 5 days.
Being a woman in an abusive relationship, is still the biggest threat of injury to women - more than heart attacks, cancer, strokes, car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
Statistics tell us the most dangerous place for a woman to be is in her own home - not some dark alley, or seedy neighborhood, or a parking lot.
Yet the warning that is regularly put forward is to be wary in such places - and also of strangers.
In addition, today, we are bombarded by the belief that we are at the mercy of terrorists and we need to be alert to the possibility of being targeted. Billions of dollars is being spent on our protection.
The outcomes of women being in abusive relationships highlights the contrast, and the evidence against, the panic associated with so-called terrorism.
Terrorism in the home throughout the world, is gigantic in comparison, yet barely gets a mention, and peanuts is spent on dealing with it in any meaningful way.
Any money that is spent on the issues associated with women in abusive relationships, tends to be on what I would call band aiding issues.
That is to say, it is usually spent on paying for women to live in safe houses and the expenses associated with getting them to that point.
Whilst this is necessary and a good thing, it plays no part in creating any real changes that are necessary to make a difference.
Some governments have policies claiming to aim at eliminating and preventing abuse in relationships, yet have nothing more in place than indicated above.
A major campaign is required as a start for overcoming the problem of women in abusive relationships.
The community generally needs to be made aware of the widespread nature of the problem.This needs to be done by making contact with a broad cross section of media outlets and getting them to do interviews with those who have the information available.
Articles about the problem of women in abusive relationships need to be submitted to these outlets as well. In addition talks must be organized with a whole range of people such as corporate groups, schools, government departments etc., etc.
The issue of women being in abusive relationships is increasingly being recognized as a serious violation of basic human rights.
Today, international organizations, such as the World Health Organization, regard the prevention of abuse in relationships as a high priority and there is a need for urgent action.
A World Health Organization report demonstrates that women being in abusive relationships is widespread and deeply ingrained, and has serious impacts on women's health and well-being.
According to Amnesty International, violence against women in relationships is the greatest human rights scandal of our times.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com
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