When we have been on our own for some time it can be difficult to entertain the notion of having a special someone entering our lives. Whether we are aware of it or not, we will have developed our own comfortable routines, a circle of friends, various interests, all pleasant ways of filling our time. This is an invaluable way of adapting to our situation but it can also become an insular way to live. The reality check can occur if there is the potential for a new, happy, successful relationship on the horizon.
Learning to trust another person emotionally is a big step, especially if there has been hurt in the past, or a long time has elapsed since a relationship. That, and letting another person into our personal space can require considerable physical and mental adjustment. Trusting someone enough to relax and allow them to know how we are feeling, rather than just being polite and self protective entails giving the other person information that they can use however they choose. That is a vulnerable position to be in as it requires us to relax and let go of all those carefully built reserves and safeguards.
Appreciating that a new relationship can only progress by building stepping stones of honest and open communication in which both people have to participate, is an important acknowledgement. Frank and open sharing has to occur as a first step in getting to know each other. Admitting how we are feeling about the other persons actions, behaviour, words and why we feel that way, is a good way of learning about ourselves. 'Owning' or appreciating that these are our own reactions based on our past experiences, and then understanding the reasons behind those reactions can be really useful in freeing us from our old baggage. It has a huge therapeutic value.
Some people find counselling and hypnotherapy especially helpful at a time like this. When a relationship has gone bad many people form negative patterns of behaviour as a way of protecting themselves, understandably, from future hurt and disappointments. They may well become over sensitive to the slightest negative look, word, comment and shut off to retreat behind a protective wall at the least hint of rejection, taking it all as a personal attack. Using professional help to heal the old associations about relationships, the negative experiences that have been lived through, can allow a person become more confident, assertive and comfortable about expressing their viewpoints and opinions and enjoy building a new life in every way. It allows a person to start again in the truest sense of the word.
Embarking on a new relationship does not mean abandoning the old single life for good. Many people have a successful emotional relationship with a good partner whilst still enjoying the friends, hobbies and interests that they have built up over time. Some of these things may still be enjoyed on ones own. Other things may be brought into the relationship and shared together. There is scope for both options and having varied activities makes a person interesting, brings added value into the new relationship and is also a sensible safety net in case things do not work out well together in the long term.
The truth is all relationships, even with family and friends require input and nurturing. Sometimes one person may feel that they are doing all the giving, making all the effort, but often the balance is levelled out at a later stage when the other person has a need for extra support and understanding.
Relationships are about taking a chance on another person, but by being positive and open we give off a good level of energy in our daily communications and that in itself bodes well for building trust and optimism in all our different relationships and interactions. Starting a new relationship puts us in touch with our own feelings again, enables better communication and understanding and enables us to grow and develop as a human being. This can filter through into all our interactions with the different people we come into contact with in everyday life. Hard work maybe, but definitely valuable in many different ways.
Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with - stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, - couples in crisis to help improve communications and understanding - with business clients to help support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams. For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net
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