For passionate, romantic people, getting attracted to someone and falling in love is fun and easy. However, the harder part for these people is staying in love by making the relationship work. While all of that process may not seem like fun, the challenge of making a relationship work is the time-tested path to happiness and fulfillment.
The following ideas are designed to help people establish the conviction that causes couples to give abundantly to their partner so the relationship will be enhanced:
• Use loving words, gestures, and actions.
Give sincere appreciation to your mate by what you say and do. While conventional wisdom says that actions speak louder than words, make sure that you don't let your actions do all of the talking either. Well-chosen words and thoughtful small acts can often strike a deeper chord with your partner than an infrequent grand gesture of love.
• Fill each other's needs.
Do your best to give in a variety of different ways to your partner. There will be times when an act of kindness will be more greatly appreciated than an act of passion. Your mate may be in a place where he needs to feel more connected or understood than at other times. The key is to be the one who fills your partner's most sensitive needs in a style that is uniquely you. Otherwise, a lack of sensitivity may cause an unenlightened love partner to go outside of the relationship in order to have his emotional needs filled by someone else. This can lead to negative consequences for both of you.
• Ask for what you want.
Your partner is not a mind reader. If you're not getting your emotional needs filled, you'll have to ask for his assistance. However, asking must be done correctly or else it will be construed as you just being demanding. To help you ask more intelligently, here are some key things to consider: (1) ask at an appropriate time, (2) ask for permission to ask, (3) ask specifically for what you want, (4) ask by stating what's in it for him, (5) ask in a sensitive, loving way, (6) ask with a higher purpose in mind, and (7) ask with the courage and conviction of knowing that this is the right thing to do. Think of asking for what you want as a form of feedback that is necessary in order to keep your relationship correctly on track towards excellence.
• Choose love over being right.
Often in our relationships, we become fixated on what's wrong or needs to be improved. Sometimes we even withhold our love until certain conditions are met by our partners. But most importantly, we must realize that our basic love for each other can be lost in the daily struggle over small issues. When we begin to understand that this destructive habit is occurring, it's important to choose the higher value of love (kindness, caring, trust, patience) over the lower value of being right or getting your way on insignificant things.
• Never break the trust.
Some people believe that they have to go outside of their relationship in order to have their emotional needs filled. This may be appropriate in some cases, but clear boundaries must be drawn. If these needs involve some sort of immoral behavior, like having an affair, then feelings of betrayal may completely destroy the relationship. It's often too late and not enough to apologize after the fact. A wise partner realizes that trust is like tissue in the wind; once torn it can never be returned to its original pristine state. Always remember that destroying trust is a relationship deal-breaker for many people.
• Don't ever threaten the relationship.
When things go wrong in a love relationship, it's a common but unwise practice to threaten to leave your partner. We tend to think that if something is not working to our satisfaction, then someone is to blame. At that point, we then will typically place the blame on the other person without enough regard for our own contributions to the problem. If creating fear in a partner doesn't get them to change to our liking, we can be tempted to look elsewhere towards greener pastures. A wiser choice is to discipline your thinking in this area. Creating uncertainty in a relationship is a guaranteed way of stopping the flow of love. Once this happens, a downward spiral of resentment and poor communications leads to regrettable actions and irreversible negative consequences.
• Schedule and create special moments to treasure.
Smart life-management strategies include making sure that you and your partner have enough quality time together. You can prevent neglect from ruining your romance by scheduling regular date nights, weekend getaways, and memorable vacations throughout the year. These special moments together can revitalize your love for each other. In addition, be on the lookout for romantic opportunities in your normal day-to-day life which can be made extra special with a little awareness and creativity.
• Agree on a higher standard for your relationship.
If you give your relationship a fine reputation to live up to in your daily lives together, that standard will pull you through many challenging times. While others around you may accept their substandard, mediocre relationships, you and your partner can take ownership of the situation and say something like, "This challenge isn't really about us. We have come too far together to let this obstacle stand in our way. Our relationship is above all of this junk. Together, we will find a way to get through this thing. Every challenge presents us with the seeds of opportunity to grow together and become more emotionally mature." By maintaining a high standard for your relationship, you can rise above the petty bickering and deal effectively with the issues that really matter.
• Become full-time love partners with exceptions.
In most cases, the type of relationship that offers full commitment and the freedom to grow in other healthy areas is what I call "full-time partners with exceptions." In this arrangement, the two love-partners share the heart of a couple, but allow space for each person to pursue key individual interests. The amount of the exception is what has to be agreed upon between the two people in the relationship. What seems to happen frequently is that the woman will feel she is a "full-time partner only" and that her man is not contributing at the same level of commitment. This probably means that the man has to cut down on his amount of exceptions and convince his partner that his heart is fully committed to her. She, on the other hand, should become less dependent and branch out on her own in a few areas that are of particular value and interest to her. Keep in mind that a woman who appears too needy and dependent is not appreciated or desired by the overwhelming majority of men.
By creating unshakable convictions of the heart, a couple can remove any doubt about the future and create a steady flow of love that re-energizes the relationship.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Dating sucks when couples create doubt in each other and the relationship by expressing careless remarks and making unwise decisions. But dating rocks when both love partners are completely certain about their love for each other and show it through their consistent daily actions. Then they will anticipate their future together with growing enthusiasm.
Steve Nakamoto - "The Voice Of The Other Half"
iVillage.com's Ask Mr. Answer Man Relationship Expert
2-Time Writer's Digest Award-Winning Author
Author of Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Catching A Man
Talk Like A Winner! 21 Simple Rules For Everyday Communication Success
Dating Rocks! The 21 Smartest Moves Women Make For Love
http://www.SteveNakamoto.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com
No comments:
Post a Comment