Love, as the old saying goes, is blind. But the view that love should exist only between people of the same ethnicity, you might say, is blind as a bat. Now more than even, ethnic diversity is championed as one of the primary characteristics of an ideal society. Unfortunately, there's often a wide gulf between public conscience and individual conscience. Just because you live in an area that preaches diversity doesn't mean that your interracial relationship won't draw prejudiced reactions. In fact, the reactions might even come from within your family, leaving you torn between honoring your relationship and respecting familial advice.
There are, however, some excellent steps that you can take to help your family embrace your ethnically different partner. The first step is to define the past and present characteristics that you share with your partner. If your family starts questioning the long-term validity of your relationship based on cultural differences, you can alleviate their concerns by mentioning the things that you and your partner have in common.
Another good idea is to tell your family about your partner's heritage before they meet your partner for the first time. This might not be enough to put your family at ease with your relationship, but it will at least reduce the chance of awkward looks and long silences when they meet your partner. You should also make your partner aware of your family's heritage, focusing especially on your family's view of good and bad manners.
On the subject of manners, the third step is learning how to handle culturally inappropriate comments made a family member. When people make an off color comment about your partner's heritage, you should take your partner's side, but don't engage family members in an exchange of petty insults, as this will only strengthen their resolve to denigrate your partner. Instead, combat their comments with positive comments. For example, if your partner is French and someone jokes about France having a "weak" military, point out that the French have always excelled in fashion, literature, art and cuisine. This shouldn't be a problem if you're familiar with your partner's heritage.
Steps one through three focus on the initial backlash that your family might have to your ethnically different partner. But once the smoke clears and your family starts growing fond of your significant other, you want to make sure that the warm feelings remain. One the best ways to keep your partner endeared to your family is to split holidays, spending Christmas with your partner's family and Thanksgiving with your own, or vice versa. If your partner doesn't celebrate your family's religious or cultural holidays, it's best to make sure from the start that he or she doesn't mind showing up for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, or even attending a church service on Easter.
Following these steps isn't a magical solution for turning prejudice into acceptance, but they are an excellent way to help even the most stubborn family members realize the intrinsic value of your ethnically different partner
What if you've met the love of your life and your family has a problem with the person's ? Does it have to come down to abandoning either your relationship or your family?
Not if you take a few simple steps to help your partner and your family get to know each other, beginning with focusing on the things that you and your partner have in common. One of the best resources I've found for advice to help my family accept my partner was in a dating advice book called "Love in 90 Days". Visit Dating Expert, Dr. Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. at LoveIn90days.com to get the best out of love and relationship advice.
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